Its 10 years later, and I hope that, by now, you have told your children, if you mean it, that you are proud of them. In what context? This "mental timeout" gives you the space to process the insulting remark in light of what it was; someone's thoughtlessness or an attack meant to provoke a reaction. . Updated 7th September 2016; and 19th April 2019. It's nothing bad or unusual. What a surprise! A friend persevered in getting her masters degree after running into academic trouble as an undergrad. When someone says "I'm proud of you", they are expressing their admiration and respect for you - and that can be a powerful thing. A hug or a gentle touch of the hand can even get this message across. Sajeev Rajan So, the next time someone says Im proud of you, remember to take the time to think about how you want to respond. Towards Net Zero. 2. 4 . They include: courage, commitment, imagination and compassion, and oh yes, patience -- lots of it -- because it doesn't happen overnight. I may never know but you can simply ask him if you question the genuineness in his response. Thank you, mom and dad, youre the reason for this. You have overcome something you may not had confidence in yourself to succeed. You shouldnt be. You're not necessarily the expert. 20 of the Best Encouraging Words that Hold any Caregivers Up 06 "Tim, I keep wondering what Dad would say if he were alive right now. Use words that will strengthen your relationship. It's a pleasure to congratulate you on this lovely moment. Did I do anything extraordinary? Reading the Parent Effectiveness Training book, or attending a PET course, will help develop positive and respectful parent-child relationships, and explore alternatives to praise. Also, as bilabial says, I like the recognize traits he values in himself, like his thoroughness and carefulness. 4. For going back to work when Im still hardly sleeping, due to having an 8 week old at home? William, however, was too proud and too obstinate to lend himself to such a course. thats a case of someone doing one-upmanship. An acquaintance commented on a recent Facebook post I made that he was proud of me and immediately I felt so mad about that but couldnt figure out why. It seems to me that the authors of the study used the phrase 'I'm proud of you' as a catch-all measurement, to reflect a parent's emotional connection with, and support, for, their child - and that it was this emotional involvement that provided protection against suicidal ideation. Achieving your goals will help you stay motivated, inspire you to set and achieve more, and increase confidence. As if Im mentally retarded and reading a book for the first time in my life, and hoping to get a cookie and a star sticker. 11. Its just a colloquialism for way to go or awesome sauce or good for you! No one means to be condescending or imply they got you there in some way. Continually acting to seek the approval of a parent is onerous for a child. Thanks. And, you are the best thing ever to happen to me. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Most of the time, to be proud of someone means you know where they've been and how far they've come pride is a word about growth. Her future mother-in-law (my friend) told me later she was proud of me. Let them know that you are grateful for their support. There are some super special and engaging responses you can give when someone very close to you, says that theyre proud of you. It's a pretty good deal. That way, all they have to do is show up. Maybe some people act in a way that makes you upset they're doing that on behalf of your country, but you just remember that's not the reason you're proud to be from where you are. Anyone could tell how proud he is to be with you by the giant grin that's plastered on his face when you two are together. And Im so ashamed of you. You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. The proud feeling transcends from child to parent. Also, I really like the litmus test of how you would feel on the receiving end. I dont think there is a neutral position. If these 10 phrases come up often, they're signs he doesn't want a relationship with you, and you should move on with someone who can be the person you deserve. The parent might have paid a lot of money, or given up time, to coach and practice tennis with their winning child. The Obama campaign needs to walk this one back and pronto. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude can help to boost your confidence and can help you to overcome self-doubt. PJ. Tell Them You Care. Second, he must know you well. When somebody says that you are wrong: "You are entitled to your incorrect opinion." To each his own. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); All Rights Reserved. He's proud of you. I am trying very, very hard not to implode. You reject that person's generosity. Thats why we feel pride in our childrens accomplishments. No matter who they are, they all have one thing in common they make us feel loved. The way you _____ is such a perfect addition for our family. I still think she was doing this at the time. Well, that truly makes my day. Benjamin Franklin Positive, Forgiveness, Respect 985 Copy quote Again, these phrases are my evaluation of my childs effort. Now, John may hear "I'm disappointed that this is the same picture. He remembers things that you tell him. Based on the situation and who says this, heres a list of better responses to pick. posted by aimedwander at 4:27 PM on May 17, 2015 . But, the real credit goes to you and you only! About 5 years ago, an ex college girlfriend and I began emailing each other occasionally (not often just once every 2-3 months or so). Luke 18:9-14 ESV / 5 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful Here are other litmus tests I've blogged about. Second, he must know you well. Youre the first person who is happy with it. I think its about the underlying meaning of these words to a child. Narcissism can be a personality trait and a mental health disorder, and someone can have narcissistic tendencies without being labeled a "narcissist." When you live with narcissistic. Do you mean you are also proud of yourself or that you are proud of the other person? (I'd prefer "Congratulations! A Summer Like No Other - Bushfires, Fear, Famly, Hope and Change, Preparing To Say Goodbye Even As I Hug Hello, When I Realised That Being A Parent To An Adult Is Different To Being A Parent Of A Child, Setting Limits Sets Limits On Children Learning to Discipline Themselves, Learning to Take The Back Seat As A Parent, As My Child Moves To Adulthood, Am I Treasuring The Moments? Refresher workshop for P.E.T. So, if youve achieved something in your educational or professional field, and someone informs you theyre proud of you, it means you did a great job there. . Ah. Lovers often feel proud when they see their beloved in action. Better Responses 2023. It is an accomplishment that makes good memories in life. Thanks for making us proud. Before you bring your GF home, know- How to tell your parents that you have a girlfriend, now. "I know you have a lot going on . I know that it is in the nature of the internet that you can confirm, and get consensus about most any belief you have, but, if that is what has happened here, Im OK with it. Wondering where that may be coming from. It's important to remember that the power of words goes both ways. In this sense, a mentor is a parent that you choose, and the desire for his or her love and approval is as natural as the desire for that of a parents pride. What Does It Mean When Someone Says I'm Proud Of You? Dont just thank them, you can reply with some cute responses to let them know that youre proud the same as they are. Marilyn, My life changed the day I heard Mr. Rogers tell me he liked me just the way I was. Want to Change the Way you React to Your Children? This is 20 years ago, and I still remember this moment. And family can often be proud, but as with most things family, the obligation and bias dull the effect. Most times, people use "I am busy" as a tool for avoidance. 2. Specialized in marketing, with 'communication' as a favorite subject, Ketan P. is a head writer at 'Better Responses'. If Your Partner Ever Says These 20 Things, You Should Break Up. Rather, relationship skills where we communicate respectfully by listening, by positive I-Messages, by problem solving with our child, will help ensure our children feel connected and valued, and provide our children with a sense of emotional safety. And do you really mean that you are damned impressed with your friend for her achievement? 7. You will even fall in love with me again seeing the next surprise! It means she feels proud for what you've done or achieved. And now, that you have the other responses to I am proud of you, you can share the same based on whos saying this and after which event. Someone else's pride in you does not usually translate to pride in yourself. Linda Adams, in her book Be Your Best, quotes Charleszetta Waddles (African American activist): You cant give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride. July 7, 2020 April 21, 2018 But you'd like some clarity on what he really means when he says that. I now understand that its because I dont feel superiority over anyone, and Im perfectly happy with that . Whatever influence we had on the person, or information we gave the person, what they did with it is their accomplishment not ours. They mean the exact opposite of what you think. 1. Oh, thank you, friend. 2. I wouldnt get anxious about it. Granted that in many relationships, Im proud of you would strike a patronizing or otherwise false note. When someone says Im proud of you, they are investing in you and putting themselves out there. SFD a bit late in the day to be commenting but I think your assessment of the phrase is spot on. She was very rude and grouchy with me and reluctantly corrected her errors after I asked the manager to get involved. Most of the time, having pride about someone else comes from a place of superiority. Thats what I think. How many people in your life can say, "I'm proud of you," and you take it fully and without any sort of resentment or dismissal? This is a very interesting discussion for me. Its a way of saying I see the hard work youve put in and I appreciate it. Fascinating post in two regards. 14. When someone says Im proud of you, its important to take the time to think about how you want to respond. People Who Say These 5 Words Have Very Low Emotional Intelligence. Setting goals you can achieve, also called "realist goals," reduces the chance of frustration or doubting yourself or your abilities. Can't you do something different?" #8: They say you need to change. Pause before responding. So - does this research negate my concerns regarding the phrase "I'm proud of you"? They dont have more power than you, and in some cases less, but their opinion matters because they know you so well, and because you respect them and what they think. Thank you so much. Mull over various relaxing options, like meeting up for coffee or tea, and then send along one concrete plan, Manly says. Thank you for your kind words.. I dont think that without your support I can make it. For even more than mentors, but for people who deserve your care and attention in life. They are much more aware and can see through false motivation easily. 1. But I gratuitously accepted his compliment. When someone insults you, the first thing you want to do is take a pause and a deep breath. If you feel stuck on getting that pride going or can't seem to identify the traits or qualities you're most proud of in yourself, go back in time. They may find it difficult to take pride in who they are and what they have achieved. . If someone calls you out for saying something offensive, remember that your intent can be different than your impact. Try these new and funny excuses to ask for money from your parents or your family. Hearing those words can make us feel seen, understood, and appreciated.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[970,90],'howdoirespondto_com-box-4','ezslot_3',180,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-howdoirespondto_com-box-4-0'); Its important to remember that the power of words goes both ways. 2. Lets look at some examples (followed by some suggested alternatives) adult first, then child, to help illustrate this point: Manager: "Im proud of the report youve written". Im so glad that youre there for giving me support. Thank You. Updated: Dec. 11, 2020. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Lets see where we can go with this. Well done!. She says "Good boy. What are we trying to say or do, when we innocently, and with the best of intentions, praise our children with "Im proud of you"? (Of course, there are always people who try to suck up to youbut hopefully you can see through it!) but you do play a role in their success! Self-doubt can make it hard to accept compliments and to express gratitude for the words of others. 24. "We will always remember. 1. 2. The truth here is, different people say and hear different things in the expression Im proud of you.. 13. It makes us feel seen, understood, and appreciated. How often do we utter this common parenting phrase, in moments of pleasure at our childs latest achievement? Paul urged his young companion Timothy to be "a worker who does not need to be ashamed" (2 Timothy 2:15). We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Here are some examples of ways you can respond to Im proud of you: These responses will show your appreciation for their words and will help to strengthen your relationship. Feb 10, . It can also help to show appreciation to others and can help to create stronger relationships. . You would have to know the whole story. 4. No, I am more proud of you, too. She only ever said it once but it has stuck with me forever: I do find it odd to say "I'm proud of you for doing the dishes". Its also important to remember the power of positive reinforcement and the benefits of responding with gratitude. Similarly, if someone tries to imply a mentor relationship by telling you, Im proud of you, its like a bad parent trying to claim the rights and status of a good one. Originally Published: March 28, 2018. momcilog/E+/Getty . I am livid because a couple of arrogant, condescending people who had been known briefly, posted, We are so proud and impressed, on a stinking FB page, I do not use FB, etc. Someone has just gone out of their way to say something nice to you. We learn from every step we take. Overall, seeing your parents, family and loved ones are proud of you, is a great compliment. I think you deserve the credit for this all. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means they're happy to see you grow up the way they raised you. You are taking joy in someone else doing good. Move away from the source of your negative thoughts. Who put in the practice in order to win that tennis match? If you're more than a friend it's more loving. Great to hear this. It is arrogant. 10. On the other hand, my brother has said it to me, and although he did not play a role in my achievement, it still meant something positive to me and it felt good. 11. In what context. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude has many benefits. If a friend said it to me, I might say "Thank you", but I'd be thinking "Well, who gave you authority over me, then?". "Be proud of your scars. Here are some tips on how to respond to Im proud of you: Following these tips will help to ensure that you are responding to Im proud of you in a meaningful way. Best of BBC Future. If youve finally graduated or youre the first one who got an A + in your entire family, your parents express how proud and happy you make them. All Rights Reserved. I think I instinctively recognized that the balance of power had somehow been upset, but couldnt put my finger on it. John decides to replicate his painting (for the reward of praise, not for his own sense of improvement and competence), and looks up at his mother with rapturous expectation. And if one doesnt respect ones parent, what is the reaction to such a statement? "Nothing is ever wrong. Go To Homepage. Use thirty phrases to say "I'm proud of you" to make the special person feel good and empowered. One of the wives of these manual labourers had befriended me in church and was an older woman. That proud phrase didnt bother me at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder, what does she mean when she says shes proud of me? Probably no big deal but would be interested in input from others especially other females. 2. 3. 8. Sept. 29, 2020, 8:12 PM PDT / Updated Sept. 30, 2020, 5:34 AM PDT. Youre my friend, not my parents! What does it mean when someone tells you that they are proud of you? No. said Christopher Robin. ), belonging to my close friend, on her business page. Might you quietly ask yourself Who was it that put in the hard hours to get a good report? I think that the phrase really bothers me, because its like saying, Wow, I didnt think you were good enough to ever achieve -insert whatever here.- My fiance said it to me last night while I was doing the dishes. You look so much better!". We had a really nice time. I grew up being complimented for my looks . First, he is probably higher status / higher power. This topic came to mind because I recently saw a friend / mentor and told him about a meaningful professional accomplishment. I agree that its a phrase that is really reserved for the individual doing, or accomplishing something, i.e. This can help to create stronger relationships and can help to create a positive and constructive environment. Im excited, are you? One man said, "I am so proud of my partner when we are at receptions together; many men are around her wishing to make love to her . A parent might say this to a child, perhaps. Image used under license from Shutterstock, research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you", protective role in a their child's mental health, Should Children And Parents Be Friends? Briefly, some difficulties include: Four-year-old John shows his Mum a painting he's just done. Ive told you that, youre going to feel proud of me. If you care deeply for someone, it is entirely possible to share the sense of pride that they feel in THEIR achievement without your hijacking it in any way. 8. Let them know you think it's great they're considering quitting and that you're ready to help. The first time I remember hearing it said to me (though I'm sure there were times before the instance I'm describing . that he harrassed them or . Do you really think this had a lot of positive impact on many children? Simply thanking them or hugging them is an immediate reaction to it. My boyfriends ex, posted a im so proud of you on a photo he posted: something he achieved. If you want to reply saying you're proud of the person saying he's proud of you, the only correct answer out of those four is "I'm proud of you too". If you're a friend, it's friendly. Here I would say something like, Youre so talented!/Thats brilliant! For many of us, hearing this phrase is like a warm hug. I have a little brother who is rather insecure and jealous of me, a very controlling person that thinks having a relationship with each other means that I put up with him trying to make me feel less than in the power scheme, which is precisely why I totally avoid him My YOUNGER brother about my creative talents has to say..I am extremely proud of you..for a bit, this has thrown me off, and I was not able to quite articulate how this really got under my skin, why I did a search on the phrase and have been thinking about itand yeah, it does seem a major insult when an emotionally uncool person whose relationship with you should be on equal terms has to act like a parent, always making a show of being the bigger man saying boy, I am so proud of you. Truly grateful to have such a loving family. 3. Language gets corrupted. Be proud that you are here. Maybe instead of telling me hes proud of me, like its such a surprise, maybe he should have just offered to do the dishes. And that's how I arrived at the "I'm Proud of You" litmus test. Compare: "Oh bear!" It can be something big or something small it doesnt matter, because the phrase is used to show their appreciation for your efforts and accomplishments. Instead of these phrases, focus on how proud you are of the person. Believe me when I tell you that it is not meant so kindly elsewhere. . Proverbs 18:12 Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, but humility goes before honor. (a short read). Thats my life goal. I am still so mad, but I havent said anything about it. And thats enough for me. But, seeing youre proud of me, Im fine. I thought who gave you the superiority, you seem to be giving yourself for my accomplishment My friend didnt understand. 15. Id opt for saying, Im happy for you. As a friend I want you to know that I am so proud of you. Sometimes a simple change of scenery might help you to stop thinking negative thoughts. PJ, I will give my thoughts on your post at the end of my post. Interesting perspective. Date TBA. But one doesn't want to say that they're not proud of their country if they're looking to lead it. You should always be proud of who you are imo, and if that includes your nationality then that's fine. To me, if someone I respect said they were proud of me, would mean much more and have a much better and more positive effect on me than if they said Im really happy for you because the feeling of someone being proud for me includes me, my efforts and achievements, and unites me with that person who said it at the moment of saying it. With teens and adults, saying "I'm proud of you" is a bit different. She continually updates her course with new examples and relevant material from the latest research. The key words (for this discussion) are creditable to oneself. Like I wasnt doing enough before? I cannot tell you how happy I am, for her, to witness her achievement and how much I admire her tenacity in overcoming all she has. This canstop the development of their own, "You look really pleased with your effort". But, when you want to make your responses more effective and special, these are some good ways to do it. The best way to do this is to express your own feelings of appreciation. To be proud of yourself for your success is one thing, for another is to be proud, they had better have seen you come up through the trenches to witness that moment or to have been involved in the process. "I guess we can't all get Ph.D.'s in science like I did.". Often the 'I'm proud of you' I get from strangers includes an unwanted and inappropriate familiarity, a hug a bit too long or a bit too hard, a knowing look and more emphasis on the 'I' than the 'you' in the 'I . Usually friends say "I'm so happy for you" or "Really nice job!" I did like here. The Proud Boys . In fact, whenever I hear this phrase from a colleague, I immediately understand that this person in reality is envious of my achievements and the phrase Im really happy for you in fact means Im very unhappy that its not my achievement, that you and not me is getting the praise/ promotion/ degree/ lottery win, I hate you for that and I wish I was in your place right now. They just say it. As your friend I want you to know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. until recently when a Goddaughter won an amazing internship, beating 2000 other applicants, and her other Godmother put a message on Facebook saying how proud she was of her. I am proud of them for being like this with one another. "If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties-someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is .

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