Also available in CD read by the author. I started CPR and called 911 I thought they never get there, but I think now I knew he was gone, I was begging him not to leave me. Ive been struggling but its been manageable. i found myself googling for months trying to understand the event how it happened and could i have avoided it. It is still painful, sorrowful, and lonely. As a result, he drowned. Still no cause has been found. but just lately especially coming up to xmas memories are coming too me all the time. I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other. Forgive yourself. He never opened his eyes. Hi to all. I lost my wife/soulmate/angel and anchor August 2018 to shocking lung and brain cancer. I have given up everything I use to love to do. Of a UTI infection. It feels like Ive lost a part of my life. So sad. I lost the only person who ever understood me and this is what that feels like. I cant say I know how you feel for every bereavement is utterly personal, but when I mentioned to my brother that I was crying so much and surprised at myself (not being a great crier) he said Well you cant just shrug off 45 years of togetherness can you? Since the Love of my life of 41 years..went to Heaven. All the talk about heroin overdoses and pet smart commercials is too much. Thats for sure. I was unaware that I had been in Survival Mode. I keep myself so busy its a little crazy. Yes, the lack of interest in things, the TV watching, but you do say you have faith it will get easier. It makes me cry to think that you feel so badly that you dont want to live anymore. May God bless your soul. I want to be with him. My heart goes out to all of those who have left comments in this thread. Sometime I just have the urge to pack up from my city and move but o know it want take the pain and emptiness I feel. He was 70 years old. Tried to find jobs, went on interviews but no call back. They are 53 years old 50 years old and 47. I've written letters to everyone who . I lost my husband of 43 years on June 2016, on our sons 24th birthday. Grief in year 2 for my mother which is very difficult, and is equally difficult grieving for my gr-mother. Every journey is unique and we just get through our own way. Be patient with yourself. Heartache. And nothing helps, no praying no counseling the kids are far. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. Thank God, we have 4 children and 10 grandchildren. The medical services made that a nightmare but at least I had his support then. I want everyone reading this post to pray to God to take me. When I left there somethnig came over me and I knew what happened there was WAY bigger than anything I could have imagined. Brain tumour April 2017 blood clots July 2017 diagnosed with moderate cold August 2017 op for brain tumour Nov 2017 death of mum Nov 2017 deep vein reflux June 2018 he was my rock my life my only ever love and he is gone. My Lukie died in his sleep in his bed at home. Or how about my whole immediate family thats destroyed. I found an app called headspace that has a grief course of 3 sections of 10 days each 30 days of mindfulness/ meditation sessions. I never post anything because it feels truly pointless to share something nobody ultimately cares about. I constantly think of him and cry because our 55 years together made us so close and we even got to think alike after all that time. I didnt get to tell him while looking into his eyes that I loved him so much and him the same with me I wish I could hear him say to me just one more time how much he loved me so. The first year was so very painful that I couldnt even bare having the dog around that he loved so much, that I gave him away. Rest in peace dad." "Our love for you is as strong as ever, Dad. My mind keeps going over all of the treatments and hospital stays and all the hopes we had of him getting better of no avail. Its been little over seven months. tells you to contact the IRS ; Calling outside of these conditions isn't recommended because the IRS representatives won't be able to provide additional information on your tax return status. Time does not necessarily heal. I can only say that with time, the pain and heartache will always be there, it just mellows with time. I was told theres no heartbeat, his heart stop beating that they have to take the tubes out. Even though it had been months since it happened, I could see where the earth had been turned over for proably 50 yards. Husband and I were inseparable we did things together from doing laundry, taking walks etc. Happiness will come but the saddness is always there.. but you learn to smile again. Im just over a year without my darling wife.. We all have a whole lot in common whether its short or long term living marriage, a lover, a friend or a family loved one. It seem to get relief then it always comes back around. Rest, and take care of your body and mind, and let grief do its work. I dont know exactly. I too am n my 2nd year of losing my spouse. I laughed hard at that. He had choked on an Arbys roast beef sandwich. The longer its been since weve seen them or heard their voice. How does one handle it? Thank you for your thoughts. I feel the same way about Clay. My grief totally took over my life. I went home with a really heavy chest, I cant wait to tell him in the morning (son used to go to our bedroom and hug him good morning and an I love you dad). Even in the final week she thought of the future. I too had the months of legal stuff and find things he used to do and now my responsibility rather hard. Her death is still the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. And lots of shipwrecks. Dunno if I will ever heal completely and not sure if qould want to if I could. I sat with her for 3 hours, waiting until her last breath, saying goodbye. Even though some of our stories vary the seem to be the same. I feel like I am broken and never will be fixed. If it werent for my kids o wouldnt manado. A time we could have reconnected and had some fun after working all these years for that goal. We are not supposed to understand. We talked about everything. Some guidance and encouragement from a person who truly understands the all-encompassing nature of grief and how if affects every moment and every part of life could be just what you need to move forward. 1989 this cancer came into our lives. I have sleepless night. I lost my beautiful wife of 40 years. I lost my husband 5 months ago we were married r5 yrs. I lost my HEART Dog Cody on May 22nd, he died unexpectedly. We will all meet again in the end. amen No words to make it better I would if i could. And I dont apologise for these indulgences they are my medicine, my vitamins, my support. Guess what? He, of course, was very good at taking care of us all when we were sick. I can barely function and go on. No he said and as he sat on the chair with his head on my chest and me rubbing his back he looked up at me and said well maybe it is my heart and took his last breath. Eric, I also never realized during the entire course of me caring for her, how fearful I was of getting sick. I dont want medication. I wish I could say something that would make it better, but my faith tells me that the Lord has given you both a season in life, and that season has ended. I was 18 when we got together. It was a 16 months battle that we knew she was going to lose. Seek family, friends or local grief help. I sobbed daily for two months. I have a 22 yr old daughter who lives with me and a 24 yr old son who lives with friends . Hi everyone. Thanks for sharing. I still am filled with sadness and feelings of not being able to go on without him. This can be especially true for a sudden loss, but can surprise people when they are in shock even after a loved one has died following a long and drawn out illness. I feel so alone and lost. I will always keep part of him with me. When the season ends, I believe that the Lord will reveal the heart of another companion to you. But when they get close I bail out. Then then 13m on, a huge ugly cry at new yeartook me to the next step of thinking i was ok. I will be 67 later this year. Just reading this now but I too have lost my fear of flying..it seems insignificant in all that has happened. He was diagnosed with GBS syndrome. Still in a trance i suppose on autopilot she was only 52. July 9,2016, As a Result Colon cancer.We were married for 31. The first year, I was in a fog, very forgetful, sad, depressed & feeling lost. So when he got sick I was always there for him. 2019 has been a year of firsts without them and Im not ready for Christmas this year or the 1st anniversary of my sisters death. My husband was murdered and four months later my beloved dog died. I dont have a single friend in the same boat so it can get lonely even in a crowd. I am learning from many of you on how to survive. I pray all of you that God will wrap his arms around you. We started a church 8 years ago with a small group of people and our lives were filled with helping others and spending time with our kids & grandkids. I am beyond broken and I am into the second year and it is so much worse than the first for all the reasons mentioned by the write of this article and all the things you say are true, Hi my friend . I do not want to do any of these things. I would have died for him. Im half the person I was. Even now, I cant believe hes not here! I often wonder why this all happened and why so close together, I needed my husband Pat to help me grieve for Cody. Excessively avoiding reminders or good memories . Warning: If the Start_date is greater than the End_date, the result will be #NUM!. I needed to move on. And someday, my soul will find yours. I also wonder if the fact that I just turned 60 this summer, dont have much other close family, unable to work & my life restricted by disability, pain levels & not driving, are added in to the mix. Its becoming real and it sucks. Well, he became my rock. That I went into flight mode and tried to protect myself from anymore pain, from the hurt. One user wrote the following heartfelt plea online: My friend just died. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, youll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0. He was forty four the first heart attack. Told us he had stage 4 lung cancer. i pray for all my friends that are suffering to die soon they are lucky to tell loved ones so long. And then there are days where I can't believe that it has been this long. Some days are better than others. I understand what you are going through.