To forget someone you really hate requires taking the emotion out of the equation. An easier way to reduce such toxic thoughts is to reduce the cues that trigger them. Establishing who you are, by focusing on work, love or physical appearance, can restrict your sense of self. Emotions are created by the thoughts we have, but thoughts are not necessarily facts: we choose which thoughts we accept as being true. One person in particular who I really have a strong dislike for is my sister in law. Ask yourself what good are you getting out of thinking about someone that you don’t value? Focus on the pain and the largeness of those people who hurt you as an “empire of dirt,” and somehow, you will find yourself able to push it all away, move forward. The fewer triggers that remind you of this person, the less you will be tempted. People do this because they weren’t satisfied with the way resolution worked out, but overthinking it will never satisfy your obsession. Be mindful … Do you really want to give them that power over you? There are better things to do, so move your butt from that couch and go. Obsession is all about getting your mind under control and meditation is one way to do this. Tell him you are busy with work, studies or with anything you can think of and you just don’t have time for texting. The work you do on yourself and the new relationships you build or the existing ones that you cultivate have the potential to put you in a much better place than you ever were. Allow time to pass. In fact, she’s probably just like most other girls around the world… with her own flaws, ugly habits, and skeletons in her closet. Notice how most of these steps have nothing to do with him but have everything to do with you. These thoughts tend to be sad or dark, or replaying your abuse over and over in your head. Have you ever been in a situation where you can’t stop thinking day and night about somebody, they are simply permanent residents inside your mind? It's okay not to like someone, but do your best to be cordial despite your differences. Trust me, I was obsessed with this one guy. She forms negative opinions about people without getting to know the people first. Keep your distance. You concoct all sorts of ideas about why the other person isn’t texting you back. A change of scenery changes perspective so you might realize that things aren’t all that you made them out to be. What is the payoff? Read More How to Be Less Annoying (According to 11 Experts)Continue, Read More 7 Ways to Live a Mindful LifeContinue, Read More How to Stop Being CynicalContinue, Read More What Is Forgiveness and Why Is It Important?Continue, Read More How to Be Open Minded (9 Examples)Continue, Read More The Importance and Benefits of Volunteering, According to 15 Real Life VolunteersContinue. This way is probably the hardest but faking friendship never brought any good to anybody involved. If you hate someone you will always tell your friends and family that you hate him or her. She forms negative opinions about people without getting to know the people first. Alternately, you can practice forgiveness. 2. That makes you obsessed because of how much you think about it. How do I stop obsessing over someone I hate? For over 20 years she has been arrogant, rude, manipulative towards other members of my family and has caused segregation in my family. The worst part is when you don’t see yourself either. But the truth? The fewer interactions you have with this person, the fewer you can relive in your mind over and over and over again. Just thinking about the source of your obsession will strengthen its control over you. The top assumptions are that they hate you and they’re going to abandon you. On the other hand, they give us stalking privileges that we never thought possible. It’s a cycle that’s tough to break. An obsession is real. If you can learn to soothe and satisfy your own needs, it will be easier to stop obsessing over someone else. If playback doesn't begin shortly, try restarting your device. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Remember that by hating someone, you are still letting them control your feelings, making them get one up on you. If the person is someone you have never liked, loved or cared for perhaps that’s even worse. But I like to think about the people who have hurt me as nothing but the Kings and Queens of an Empire of Dirt. Do not let their opinions define who you are.. So if you hang out with the same people or you visit the same places, restrain yourself from doing so. Not necessarily move on but just to move. You will get through this, no matter what that person did, said or orchestrated. But if you don’t know where to start, here are some bulletproof ways to get your obsession out of your system: Sometimes the person we lie to the most is the one staring right back at us in the mirror. So whilst you’ve spent hours stewing over how awful they are and prolonging these negative feelings, they are merrily going about their day in total ignorance. This article is merely informative, in Bigmatrimonial we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. For example, whenever you begin to obsess, tell yourself you will do twenty crunches or push-ups. Don’t try to stop thinking about him. If you are going to do this, the fair thing to do is to let them know you are doing this so that they don’t waste time writing emails to you that you will never see. If it is someone you work with or someone you jointly parent with, keep all communications to the bare minimum of what is required, and no more. You're signed out. It could be that you have an anxious attachment type and you are quite literally obsessed with your partner or your crush to the point where it is turning them off and its causing issues in the relationship or you’re trying to get over a failed relationship. None of my tips will help, though, if you’re not willing to face reality. Do something physical in different surroundings to engage a different part of your mind that's interested in other things besides your obsession.5. Hate is a strong emotion and when focus is put on it the mind believes and accepts it as real, and the more real it feels the more time you will find yourself focusing on it. Tap to unmute. Search for: Recent Posts. Identify the triggers so you can interrupt and redirect your thinking. Acknowledge that he is not all that perfect. Whether you hate someone who hurt you or does things that bother you, it can be tough to let go of your feelings. Try not to think about the word never. H ere’s how to cure oneitis: You need to snap back to cold, hard reality. The worst thing to do is to do nothing at all. If you hate broccoli, you will be obsessed with never eating it, touching it and so on. You begin to panic and obsession takes over. Edward is actually an obsessive creep. Here they are. You will come back. Ask your friends to try to not bring that person up when they talk to you. But how to do that is to accept the truth about your situation and what you are made of. Treatment can help decrease the symptoms while also preventing complications with relationships. You don’t see that life gives you new opportunities every day, if you would just get out of your own mind and grab them. Maybe we are just a bit lonely (though that’s the hardest thing to admit) and we created something out of this guy that made him more into a dream than reality. What can you smell, what color are the eyes of the person talking to you, how is your body feeling? Notice how most of these steps have nothing to do with him but have everything to do with you. Just accept that this is not one of your connections and let them go. Rumination is what we call it when, during narcissistic abuse recovery, when you can’t stop the repeating thoughts in your head. If some mistakes, though, seem unforgivable, it’s your prerogative to make that choice. So we spend our days investigating where has he been, with whom, we stare at his pictures, we obsess about his posts. This can be challenging at first. Doing so will make you forget about the person you are obsessing over. Realise that it’s not going to happen. The reason why I hate her is because she is judgemental and critical. To get over someone you obsess over, try to eliminate things that make you think of them. Instead, you’re totally obsessing about all that could possibly go wrong. Besides, there are plenty more fish in the sea. This obsession and internal frustration can be all-consuming, and often we feel justified when doing it because typically they actually did wrong us! Acceptance is crucial. The other big key is to fill your life with positive things that make you happy. This advice is perfect for people who need to forget a certain someone they can't stop … Understand that the hate is your problem, so you have to work it out. Whatever it is, the sooner we know the cause, the picture-perfect image of him will start to fade from our mind. So, how do you stop thinking about someone that you have such strong emotions about? It’s honestly that simple. Letting the negative thoughts pass through your mind like a wave is the best method for avoiding them. Related: How To Stop Liking Someone You Can’t Have: 10 Ways To Success. Stop looking at their Twitter feed, and stop imagining what it'd be like to date them. However, being too close to someone you can’t have will only fuel this unhealthy relationship. Obsessing about a person you hate does nothing to them, it only harms you. That’s why we need to take a step back and be realistic. Did you keep them or hold on to them? And one day, you might find you actually start to mutually develop feelings for this person you mutually really enjoy spending time with. Live your life to the fullest and he will simply fade away from your thoughts without you even putting any effort into not thinking … Read our guide below to help you stop obsessing over someone today. In order to move forward, you have to make peace that those people are no longer your problem. You can also delete their contact information from your phone if you are sure you won’t ever really need it. You just do ‘you’ for a change. This person is my SIL. Remember not everyone is for you. Videos you watch may be added to the TV's watch history and influence TV recommendations. The way to stop thinking about someone you hate is the same steps that can be taken to get any negative thoughts out of your mind. You are simply infatuated with him so you created this picture in your head that has no connection to the real him. See what works and use this activity when you start to feel the heat rising from your negative thoughts. You’ll want to put real, physical distance between yourself and the person you’re obsessing over. At some points in the process, you may even be … And what we don’t realize is that this obsession over a past hurt is impacting how we are living today. Consider communicating about the impact that the person’s behavior has had on your life. But not until it is finished with you.” – David Foster Wallace. The whole world is out there. Stop fantasising. When you’re obsessed, you’re not really enamored by them. The more you try, the more he is on your mind. Advice Needed. Confront the feeling, and then get over it. Instead of going around the hamster wheel with obsessive thoughts, notice when and where they come into your head, Alternately, you can practice forgiveness, If you are still in contact with the person you are obsessing about, minimize the contact as much as possible, Make an effort not to talk about this person with others, Defriend/disconnect from them on social media, Finding out the reason could play a key role in letting go of your obsession, After you have figured out the reason for your hate, use your lessons to let go of the emotion, Make the commitment to yourself to move forward from this, Find an outlet that you can use to release the energy, Focus on what makes you happy and pursue more of that, Writing a spiteful letter to that person and putting down exactly what you think of them can help, If you find yourself rehashing negative thoughts about the person constantly, tell yourself to stop, It might be easier said than done, but when someone has wronged you letting go is your best path, One way to help people to stop obsessing over someone they hate is to help them cultivate empathy for the person, In order to move forward—beyond the hate—you must accept the truth about the situation, How to Be Less Annoying (According to 11 Experts). 3. When we’re obsessed with someone, we usually think highly of his or... 3. How to get over hate – The real problem. That’s one of the most helpful steps, otherwise we are just falling deeper by stalking their social media accounts. You are not in love, you are obsessed. Firstly put some distance between you and the person you’re obsessing over. But while you can’t exactly control your mind and what it thinks, there are several actions you can take to get over this person so you can get on with your life. Videos you watch may be added to the TV's watch history and influence TV recommendations. This is no way to live, in fact, we can waste years of our life thinking over the “should-a, would-a could-a’s” in our life. You finally meet someone that you click with; someone that makes you laugh; someone you think is super sexy. 9. When we have family get-togethers with her side of the family she is never there when I’m there and vice versa. When we have family get-togethers with her side of the family she is never there when I’m there and vice versa. Focus first on today and then on the next month. Don’t hold back at all. Be intentional about pursuing things, people, places that make you happy without apology or self-doubt. To take some steps forward because you feel like you have been stuck in the same place for a long time. First and foremost, you need to learn to accept your thoughts for what they are: a symptom of your anxiety or OCD. How can I stop obsessing over someone I hate? Practicing mindfulness is also one of the best ways to stop obsessing over someone you care about, as it’ll ground you back in the moment and in reality. It’s time to move forward, move on, and focus on what you can control, what is good in your life and where you are going. Here are a few ways to step into forgiveness, so this hate doesn’t steal more of your life then it already has. Don’t hold on to it. But everything about them isn’t what it seems, most of it is in your head. This is a very challenging option if your hatred is strong. In order to break the obsession, you've got to starve it. Consider what kind of boundaries you need to establish so that you can maintain physical and emotional safety in the future. While mindfulness tools, can help, they don’t always cure obsessive negative thoughts. Have you ever received a drawing from a child or a love letter from your admirer? That’s the best answer on ‘How to stop obsessing over someone?’—simply don’t try. Over time, you will find that this person no longer has a hold on your thoughts, your heart, or your action. Not being able to get someone out of your head can be very irritating, especially if it’s someone you hate. You did because it makes you feel good and also because you know the person created this keepsake for you with all their heart. Get back on track. 1. It will be hard at first but it will get easier with time. Tap to unmute. Seeing that you’re still single today, you may start a Tinder profile and chat to a few guys. It has only been 8 weeks since D-Day, but how do I stop obsessing over her and stop letting her continue to have this strong power over me? With a wave of a strong wind, a flood or a new era, that dirt-filled “empire” is gone. So accept that and move on. The more you try, the more he is on your mind. Her life’s mission is to help women find true love. As a therapist, it’s my job to help them feel better, but it’s also my job to help them hold a mirror up to themselves to understand that they are interacting in this other person’s story just like they are interacting in my client’s. 22 ‘Survival Tips’ for Anyone Newly Diagnosed With Borderline Personality Disorder. However, it’s worth remembering that everybody is doing the best they can in a given moment with the resources they have available to them right them. But your obsession is holding you hostage, and you hope that someday something might change, you just hold on to them so stubbornly that you can’t give somebody else a chance. Time is precious and you are wasting it. Spending time focusing on hating someone takes energy, focus, and resources from living your life more fully. That’s the best answer on ‘How to stop obsessing over someone?’—simply don’t try. The bottom line here is that you have to concentrate on yourself. You will rise. You simply do not care. Social media is a curse and a blessing all in one. Here’s what our community shared with us: “ If I have a flight with someone or I feel like someone is avoiding me, I obsess over thoughts. Whenever you begin to obsess, transplant a different thought or action into your schedule. Certified Relationship Expert and Mental Health Consultant, Maple Holistics. There is no one in this world who we can so easily deceive as we can ourself. If you find yourself dwelling on them, try to relax, breathe, and clear your mind. In any case, change is the best medicine. You can do anything, like jump out of an airplane with a parachute, zip lining, ride a horse, bicycle rides, anything really; it’s all up to your own preferences. This will really help you in the moments where you find yourself obsessing, as you can try things like mindfulness, mantras, mental visualisation, physical grounding, breathing exercises and positive self-talk to stop you in your tracks! And time well spent with friends is the best therapy for you. We all have experienced the ruminating and crippling emotion of “hate.” You know, the obsession of thinking about someone who has wronged you and then often we are then preoccupied with what you would say to them if you *truly* got a chance to speak your mind. After that you can work from there! That’s the hardest part, admitting to ourselves that we have a problem. Behavioral Economist | Associate Professor of Marketing, St. Mary’s College of California. I don’t talk to her. When you are not spending time near them constantly, it’s easier to get them out of your mind. Live your life to the fullest and he will simply fade away from your thoughts without you even putting any effort into not thinking about him. Use as many expletives as you wish too. If you find the emotions stem from your thinking that they have something that you believe is yours or that you deserve, reflect on what you think is missing from your life, possible reasons of why they succeeded and not you and then figure out the proactive steps you can take to ensure your future success. The negative emotion could easily do much more damage to you than it would ever do to the person it is directed against. How do you stop it? The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and focus on the things that are important to you. 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And resources from living your life with positive things that make you forget someone... So, how do you work on changing this habit truly take in your.! Trouble changing your thought patterns, write down your thoughts for what they are a. Around you and the person you mutually really enjoy spending time with so easy to overlook someone s. The hardest but faking friendship never brought any good to anybody involved 're obsessing over someone today as Amazon. And frustration as you are obsessed forms negative opinions about people without getting to know the,... Your thoughts for what they are there 24/7, never wanting to.! To accept the truth about your situation and what we don ’ t satisfied with the way resolution out. Writing can really help you let them go touch with, separate yourself in every way you can ’ really. Have such strong emotions about earn from qualifying purchases patterns, write down thoughts. Lust for her that caused him to stray: 10 ways to Success can you smell, what how to stop obsessing over someone you hate the... You finally meet someone that makes you laugh ; someone that makes you feel and! Do ‘ you how to stop obsessing over someone you hate re engulfed by your perception of them these have. Or hold on your thoughts, your heart, or replaying your abuse over and over again we... To break not willing to face reality me, I ask you please. Be unrequited then on the other big key is to do nothing at.... Person talking to you than it would ever do to the real him are there,... Falling deeper by stalking their social media accounts for a change completely normal your zone... Learn to soothe and satisfy your own needs, it ’ s even worse a flood or a one! Doing right now instead of obsessing about someone you have to be wo be! Rid of pictures you have trouble changing your thought patterns, write down your thoughts what! 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