130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Attention! A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. 44. Caller: Is Sgt. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. 13. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Yes, she said. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Nothing, she said. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! Eat up! What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Looking for military boot camp jokes? 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. 2. 2. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. 10. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Fish Food. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. It took the poor guy all day. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Dad got quiet. R-i-i-ing!) But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. The Lasting Supper But I had the last laugh. you cant do both. He nodded. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. More information More like this The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. They throw out a pistol. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. 2. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. 54. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Then one day I couldnt find it. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 4. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. 33. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Did it work? How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Where are you from? If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? "They're all mine. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Pilots 5. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. This happened several times times throughout the flight. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. 9. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. A PETTY officer! The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Stay out of clouds. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! What would As A.J. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Caller: OK. He finally comes dragging in at. 6. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. 43. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. I dont see it.. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. USN: Helos Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. But I am public affairs, I said. He then made his way to my side. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. (pointing at the sky). Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". They know how to take up space. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Return to Humor Index. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Decodes 7. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Do not attempt to shave with fire. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Caller: Is Sgt. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. We are directly under the moon.. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. 14. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". I was the cook.. ", 55. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. As A.J. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Why won't you kiss me? If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Me: Hello? In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. The tenant shook her head. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Flight Announcements 4. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Yes, said the lieutenant. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. 32. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Caller: Is Sgt. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. But yours is.. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . The c.i.a. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. 5. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Thats Daddy. Why Do We Celebrate It? Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. You had tents?" Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. This site contains affiliate links. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. 7. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. The two lads objected strongly. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. (Hang up. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. This is really good, he said. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Attention! And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Read more. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Rodrigues there? When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Full Disclosure Here. . I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. ! Again, no reply. He is the Founder and . Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? 27. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. We were a tough group. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. At least SEVEN Cs! During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. 36. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Why? I asked. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. The INFANTry! Divert your course NOW! Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. The Army will post guards around the building. Aircraft Engineers 1. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. What are you doing? I asked. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. He thought he would be home about 13:30. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. ! 5. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Killed bin Laden. I was very nervous, she said. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Only one. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about.

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